i was born a porn star she said
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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