oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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