I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
