I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
