hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
What drink are we having for lunch?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My vagina just clenched in fear
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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