Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
