I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You took a bar mat shot.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
