Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
