If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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