# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
