She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize