when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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