if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
