I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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