I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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