I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
