At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
