Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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