farters have to be the big spoon...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
