There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
