Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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