I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
