It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
