remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize