Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
