Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i now understand why vodka
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
