I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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