Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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