sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
