first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
