i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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