Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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