Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
