yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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