In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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