That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
