dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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