3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
