You're so nebulous sometimes
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
