The maid of honor just puked.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
