I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
