Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize