so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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