I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
