Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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