He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
