So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
