she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
