Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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