i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
