perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
