they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
