I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
