wanna go halves on a baby?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
