you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
