Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
