Acid is not a monday night drug
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
