just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
