ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm at about main and main street
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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