You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
