Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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