Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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