Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
