i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
