Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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