He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
