I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
