I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
