Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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