Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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