He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
