It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize