Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
