chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
