He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
