I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
