Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize