help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
