they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
