I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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