i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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