Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
