i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Randomize