Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
