Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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