girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
