Three words: puerto rican gang bang
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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