Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
