i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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