i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
