do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
