My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
ok first of all what the fuck
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
