I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
