I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
