in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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