wat bout pragnant strippers??
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
you never un-have a 4some
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
