WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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