Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
