I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We got so high we made milksteak
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
