Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
