And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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