I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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