nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
