I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
