i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
