she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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