she looked like the before picture.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
