i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
