Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
