It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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