I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
