Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
