Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
