Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
