I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
