btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
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