Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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